Saying good bye.

The time came, last night, to say good bye to Derek. I was also supposed to leave (with him) but then I had my unexpected ankle surgery. Now four weeks, after the surgery, with two tendon repairs and a pulley system built up (a plate screwed into my ankle bone) and still not weight bearing I have moved in with a friend to recover sufficiently to make the trip to Scotland. We are hoping it might be the 7th September but it will be up to the doctor and my progress.  Derek is going ahead of me to Scotland to settle into the accommodation waiting for us. He needs to set up his international office from Scotland as soon as possible.

The reason I write this evening is because I wanted to catch you up a little on what’s going on in our life since I have been preoccupied with organizing and arranging our move across to Scotland. I am not going to tell you all about my life in the past while, that’s for another day. I am going to try put into words what it feels like saying good bye as it is not something we are accustomed to.

We have known each other since we were nine years old, were best friends since we were sixteen, and started dating at seventeen. A year later Derek conscripted to permanent air force training for fifteen months. It was sad, but as our lives were not interwoven like now, it was bearable. I thought of it as a test to see how strong the relationship was. We have been apart for a week or two over the years but this time it is going to be a month. I think the disappointment is that we wanted to do this move together.

Thirty-six years of maturing together.

It feels really hard after almost thirty-six years of being together as we have grown to each other’s ways, learnt to accommodate, developed good communication skills, and have really learnt to share the ups and downs by supporting each other through them. I would say that we have become robust enough to withstand the bumpy times as well. That for us is all part of the love for each other.

So saying good bye, even although it is not final, is not easy. We both agreed we were in a bit of denial leading up to the time. Yet apart from the denial we had lots of things to do step by step. There was no time for sitting around and moping. We had so much to organize with regards to packing up the flat, seeing that we were taking what we needed on the flight, my ankle surgery and recovery, selling cars, organizing animals, seeing that Derek’s business makes as smooth a transition as possible; well the list is extensive so I will stop there.

And so the final hour arrived. What can I say? One has to resign oneself to the inevitable, let go and surrender, know there will be an end to it, look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel, look for the blessings and the things to be grateful for, as well acknowledge the weirdness of it; the weirdness of not being together, and not being able to discuss things. There is feelings sadness or being alone, since we shared just about every meal together as Derek worked on the premises. 

I know that from every situation I have been in I have taken the opportunity to learn something and to make the best of it. I intend to treat this time as a retreat as I am supposed to rest and recover. My mandate is to slow down and rest. For me this means making space for myself to think, contemplate, be aware, observe, learn, and to consolidate the recent events of the last year.

Many people have faced being apart and much worse so I am sure that we will both look back on the time with some type of appreciation for the strength, patience, and resilience we have developed.

I am enjoying the peace and quiet while staying at a nature reserve; what better place to retreat to, to recover!

Take care,

25 thoughts on “Saying good bye.

  1. How kind of you to share your journey.I can attest to the wrench one feels when the love of your life is no longer within hand holding distance.I too have retreated and prayed and stayed open to messages that will help me become more like Him.
    You will be blessed in this time.Best love,Sharon

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  2. This is a touching post, Morag. I can feel the pain of separation, but as you said, there is light at the end of tunnel. Reunion is not far off. Just take care of yourself and fully recover. Best wishes to the loving couple 👍💐🌹

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  3. Your transition has not been uneventful for sure. Sorry to hear of your foot and ankle problem. It must be quite painful when you do PT and put weight on it again. You story reminded me of John Denver’s song: Leaving on a Jet Plane.
    I hope you heal quickly and can get reconnected with Derek Scotland awaits and you will again be in the home of your ancestors. How great is that!
    dwight

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  4. Being apart is difficult. Making this major change separately is very difficult as well. I feel for you. However, I hope the time you spend alone alone is truly a time of retreat, insight, restoration and personal growth. Sending you love.

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  5. Dear Morag, I am touched by this recent update in your plans. I admire your candid take on this current situation…yes, your ankle will heal properly so you can rejoin hubby in Scotland as he establishes his work there. God always orchestrates the perfect plan for our heart’s desires, and He will do that for you both. Rest and soon you will write us that you have arrived in Scotland…just in time to engage in a most ideal reunion and begin a new page in your life’s book together. Sending you daily prayers, with much love, patricia

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  6. I can understand how disappointing it must be that the two of you can’t go together to Scotland … especially since this is such a big move! And one can say all of the nice things to make it easier for you (and probably for Derek as well), but it’s still sad to say goodbye – even if it’s just for a couple of days, weeks or a month.
    I’m thinking of you and hope your ankle recovers well enough for you to leave early September. Well, you have a beautiful reserve and that can only contribute to your recovery, don’t you think 😉. Hugs and well wishes ❤️.

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    • Thank you for your kind words, I am loving it here on the reserve. It’s so peaceful and quiet, and to top it all I can hear frogs and water birds at night. Today I saw two mongoose scurrying around outside totally unperturbed by me watching them. I am sure it contributes to my recovery. Sending you well wishes and hugs too. 💐🌺🌷

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  7. Dear Morag, it’s probably going to feel like forever but try to daydream about how wonderful it will be to see him and not have pain any more in your ankle. It will be a wonderful reunion for you both! Love and prayers for you both!@

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    • Thank you, yes I focus on the future, knowing there is hope. But my circumstances here are quite delightful on the nature reserve and with a good friend too. We have got lots to catch up on and I am enjoying finding my way around the kitchen, which means I have done some cooking which I really enjoy. Thank you for your prayers. Sending you love too. 🌷🌹💕

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  8. What a beautiful nature reserve you’re staying at!! I wish you a speedy and healthy recovery. Also, congratulations on thirty-six years of being together! I am sure the time will fly by while you’re apart and before you know it, you’ll be together again in Scotland. ❤💖

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    • Thank you so much. I am counting the days till I get to be there but I am also counting my blessings being able to take this break… Like real pause for reflecting on the past and the future. It’s actually working out to be quite amazing. 💕🌺

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