Sometimes healing begins not with methods, quick fixes and answers , but with being truly heard. This is a glimpse into my first meeting with a therapist, and how these moments of connection began to shift the way I related to myself and the world.

My reflection on the quiet power of the therapeutic relationship

I rang the doorbell and heard a warm voice reply,
“Hello — Michael here.”
I introduced myself, he invited me in, and I walked down the garden path with my mind buzzing. What would he be like? Would we connect? Would I feel safe enough to unravel?

When his head appeared around the doorway, something inside me exhaled. He reminded me of my cousin’s surfer husband — relaxed, and grounded. I only learned later that Michael himself surfed, but in that moment the familiarity soothed me.

The counselling room felt quietly welcoming: not too bright, not too dimly lit, the chair set at a comfortable, respectful distance. Just right, I thought — like Goldilocks finding the bowl that finally made sense.

A gentle peace settled over me.

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How I Found My Therapist

At the South African College of Applied Psychology, one of our early assignments required us to attend a therapy session, bring a real issue, record it, transcribe it, and analyse it.

I chose perfectionism. A lifetime of it.

Because I am naturally slow to open up, I approached the assignment as something more than coursework. I wanted to choose someone I might return to if deeper work ever called me. Something in me already knew that I would return to deeper work as I was learning that healing rarely happens alone. It happens between people.

When I asked my Mental Health lecturer for a referral, I had only two requests:

• a male therapist,
• and one who would let me cry.

Not everyone needs to cry in therapy — but I had years of locked-away grief and anger, and I sensed that tears would be part of my way through. I needed someone who wouldn’t shut them down.

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The Relationship That Heals

I had already learned that the therapeutic relationship is not a technique. It grows slowly — session by session — as trust deepens and the therapist’s empathy creates safety. Research shows that the relationship itself is often more healing than the technique used. This resonated with me.

I naturally gravitated toward the Rogerian, person-centred approach, and I was delighted to discover that Michael worked this way too.

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The First Session: Being ‘Seen’

I sat with the cup of tea he offered, switched on the recorder, and took a deep breath — and then another — and then no breath at all. Everything spilled out: words, tears, years of tension that had quietly simmered inside me.

Michael’s voice broke gently through the torrent:
“Breathe… slow down.”

The rest of the conversation has blurred with time, but I remember how I felt when I left: held rather than judged, seen rather than evaluated. A flicker of self-worth — long overshadowed— returned to life.

It was the first time in years I felt permission to cry. Truly cry.

That afternoon I wrote my poem Like a Bird in the Hand, trying to capture the feeling of being safely held.

I remember thinking:
Perhaps I could come back.

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What It Means to Be Met With Unconditional Positive Regard

The Rogerian method allows the client’s truth to lead the session. The therapist listens with unconditional positive regard — offering their presence, calm, and the subtle witnessing that allows a person to see and hear themselves more clearly.

When Michael noticed that I was holding my breath, he named it gently. In that moment, a small doorway opened. I realised how often I had been holding my breath not only in that room, but in life.

As the session continued, the pace softened. Silence settled comfortably between words. A stillness unfolded — not emptiness, but space. The session settled into a quiet stillness. I exhaled a long peaceful sigh. A calmness spread through me as I felt seen and heard — not as a problem to fix, but as a person with all my energies. To truly listen and truly be heard is vital in the relationship.

He did not fix my perfectionism that day. Instead, he offered me a different way of relating to myself — one shaped by gentleness rather than criticism.

And so I did return. And gradually the work we did in that room began to ripple outward into my relationships with others, starting with myself, like a pebble in the pond.

But that is a story for later in this series. For now, we begin where healing always begins:
with the first meeting between two people.

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A Poem About Growth As a Result of the Healing Space.

Dear Michael
In the space between us
I discovered my capacity to heal.

As you mirror me
The Light (God) shows the path forward.

I am not afraid anymore.
I make my own space —
It’s me who emerges.

I am who I am.
I am enough.

I stretch.
I fly.
I figure things out
As I wing it.

There is no hurry
To become myself.

Slowly, I claim
What I know of who I am.

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Take care till next time.