When I originally posted about our African travels in 2020 I was aware that I was omitting a vital issue that could impact our general happiness while away. This issue was/is my anxiety. In these revised posts I will try to tell you more about this.

When we first began to discuss going on a road trip we didn’t know where we wanted to travel. We knew we wanted to do something different so we sat down and made a list of what we each wanted individually. Something a little like a bucket-list. From there we looked for common interests. Originally Derek had wanted to do a road trip in America and I had wanted to go to Zanzibar. Here are the common interests or ones we were willing to try:

• a road trip,
• camping,
• experience scenery and nature,
• swimming and water activities,
• game drives,
• Victoria falls
• sailing
• and drumming.
• We agreed: no dugouts; no game walks with lions; and no quirky lodges.
• Somehow the hot-air balloon ride was added to the list of things we would try. (Boy was I relieved, when on the day, there was too much wind to risk it.)

So we chose Africa!

The vital issue was my anxiety.

Firstly, I need to explain something. You might already have guessed Derek is the adventurous one and I am the cautious one. Well cautious is putting it mildly. I suffer with anxiety. All rational thinking can vacate the mind when anxiety grips the heart. Anxiety is a way of life for some and I am no exception. I suffered anxiety from four years old. Sometimes anxiety felt like terrors and torture. The thoughts that fill one’s mind obsessively is a mixture of reality or truth and fears of the unknown. Some will say that anxiety is just irrational fears but for the person experiencing them they feel totally rational. I know there have been times in the past when I would have loved to punch someone saying that they are just irrational; it feels dismissive. It often stems from having experienced trauma, as mine did. Trauma experiences are not something you can plan for but once experienced it primes the brain to be hyper-vigilant, and on the lookout for anything that can go wrong. And that is how I lived for most of my life. Anxiety looks for a way to control one’s surroundings so that nothing will go wrong. We want to be prepared for all eventualities… and I wasn’t a scout or a girl-guide.

There are different therapies that might help anxiety like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Exposure Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Talking Therapy and specialist clinics. I chose talking therapy as mine was predominantly link to trauma but cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) also helped in re-framing negative thought cycles and acknowledging my anxious or negative thoughts without suppressing them. That meant that I could express my fears with Derek without him shaming me and he became much more aware of my needs. Having an understanding and supportive partner went along way. It also meant that we could discuss what part of the thinking was irrational and what fears were real thus we could come up with some good solutions.

One example that I was worried about was:

My thought was: We were traveling into unknown areas with vast countryside that was unoccupied.
My fear was: What if we have an accident, Derek is driving, he is badly injured or killed. How will I cope? Will I be able to drive on the dust roads? Will I panic? What if I need to call for assistance and I don’t know who to call or there is no Wi-Fi connection. At that stage I wasn’t confident that I would be resourceful enough to get us to safety.
Derek agreed that it wasn’t a totally farfetched fear and that having a satellite phone was a good backup plan if we needed assistance. So we organized emergency numbers of a specific friend we knew who was experienced in road trips through Africa and would make a plan to come and help if we were stranded. Thankfully we never had to use it. What we noticed is that we had mobile phone reception in most places.

I also practiced driving on dust roads as soon as possible so that I would be able to confidently drive us to safety if needed – even although Derek did most of the driving.

Another concern was sleeping at ground level:

I didn’t want to sleep at ground level because we have experience of scorpions and snakes in the mountains and in the surrounds where we lived. I also didn’t want to meet any crocodiles, hippos, lions or leopards. The fact was that we were bound to meet up with them at some point in our travels. We opted for a rooftop clam-shell tent which was a wonderful choice as all our personal belongings like the laptop, books and journals could stay up there and I felt totally safe. It was a welcoming little space when we retired for the evening and it was really cozy.

Once we decided on the rooftop tent I developed another anxiety: what if I couldn’t sustain climbing up and down the ladder to our rooftop tent repeatedly. This fear had a real aspect to it as I had had a double mastectomy 6 months earlier with a couple of reconstructive surgeries in-between, the last one just before we left. Part of my reconstruction consisted of inserting temporary inflatables under my pectoral muscles. Water was injected into them to stretch them every few weeks to create the space for the silicon breast shapes. The stretching impacted my strength. Climbing up and down the ladder became part of my exercise routine so that I would have more confidence once we were traveling. When I did face some challenges I viewed it as a point of growth.

Retrospectively facing challenge was a great way to develop beyond my fears and I learnt that I am able to cope in new and challenging times. I am resourceful. And we all are more resourceful that we think or imagine.

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We interviewed our friends.

We were eager to learn from our friends who had been traveling before us; their experiences of Africa were inspiring and we picked up some helpful details. ‘Safe’ was a term I use, mostly, because I have a need to be safe. And my brain requires me to have thought everything through and have a plan for all eventualities. That’s not irrational, that’s sensible – in most cases. Something I learnt was: don’t face fears and anxiety alone. Ask the experts. Interview people who have experience. Gather your information to inform your thinking.

One of our questions was about what vehicle to use.
The two main vehicles that were recommended was the Toyota Land cruiser or a Land Rover. We soon learnt that there are two types of fanatics and they were either one of the above mentioned; both vehemently defending their choice. Our one friend has a bumper sticker on his Toyota Land cruiser, near his tow hitch, which says ‘attach Land Rover here’. The other one has a sticker on his Land Rover that says ‘I’d rather push my Land Rover than drive a Toyota.’ If you drive one of these vehicles you might know about those bumper stickers.

I have an amusing story to tell you further along the journey, about towing, when I post about leaving Poppa Falls. We decided to use our own car which was a Kia Sedona Mini bus. It was a diesel and a little under-powered but we weren’t planning to do off-road trips up riverbeds so we felt confident it would be okay.

As we borrowed so much equipment from friends it made sense to start our trip from Cape Town where we lived. It suited us as we would see more of Africa that way rather than departing from Gauteng like some travelers do.

Here is a list of equipment we took:

• Freezer/fridge:
• Satellite phone:
• Storage system: For all our belongings: clothes, food, cooking gear, personal belongings, etc.
• Roof top tent: bedding
• portable wash line
• Laptop,
• Medical kit, including antibiotics and explanations for use in emergencies.
• Fire extinguisher
• Tyre kit
• Pump
• New tires: We replaced all our saloon tires with commercial vehicle tires, which are cheaper but more robust and they help with driving over pot holes. We traveled 11300 km in 42 days and we never needed to pump the tires.
• Infra-red torch for scorpions

• Braai/barbecue equipment
• Gas stove, pots, cooking and eating utensils.

We borrowed a lot of stuff from our friends and we are indebted to their help for such a wonderful trip. Some of the plan choices were made around my anxieties and I appreciate Derek’s sensitivity in this regard. So began the road-trip into Africa.

 As I edit this series of traveling through Africa my attention will focus more on fears and anxieties which I faced. I hope I will manage to articulate my struggle and my accomplishments with living with anxiety and in doing so I can encourage those that live with anxiety – that making calculated and planned adventures can be very enriching and ultimately life changing. I know how debilitating anxiety can be. At the same time I hope I can shed light on the topic for those that are fortunate enough not experiencing fears and anxiety.

Have you experienced anxiety? Have you got a story to share telling of how you have braved something? Have you got any questions?

Chat soon

~Morag Noffke~