Raw Emotional Abrasion.

/ moragnoffke 
Poetry Style: 2/4/6/2 Aquarian

Yes it's
True I feel bad
Euthanasia guilt
Is real
"You did
What you felt best
The kindest thing to do"
They say
Very
Little comfort
In my reality.
Remorse
Does not
Help bring them back;
It's just a fantasy.
Feel stuck.
You need,
Apparently
To embrace compassion
To heal.
Before
You mourn accept
You did the best you could
For them.
You did
It out of love.
Now connect with that love
And heal.
Your love
Between you two
Connecting memories
Will last.
Lastly
Forgive yourself
If you feel you need to.
Be free.
I think
The care giver
responsibility
Holds pain
As much
As it provides
Joy of togetherness.
That's love.
After
Considering
It is normal to go
Through this
I feel
Peaceful now and
I can sleep well tonight
At last.

I look
forward to see
You bounding towards my
Recall
I do
Choose remembrance
Of such sweet memories
Of you.
See you
In my dreaming.
This will be sheer delight.
Sleep tight.

I feel
Peaceful now and
I can sleep well tonight.
At last.

Firstly I want to credit Molly Shea https://henhouselady.com/, whom I follow, as to the inspiration of the style of poetry (Aquarian use of syllables in each line are 2, 4, 6, 2). She has a lovely explanation if you want to go to her site to see it. I decided to use this style for my poem for effect.

Secondly to explain the poem: euthanasia is not easy or simple, I am sure you know that. I share this poem in the hopes that it might help someone else who might be suffering the enormous guilt that can wash over you, like it did for me as I lay there trying to sleep. I wept and wept; feeling bad and shameful.

I decided at 1pm to google “dog euthanasia guilt” and found this article Euthanasia Guilt: Feelings of Regret or Remorse by Dr. Karie Johnson, Co-Founder of VIP Vet Visit. It explains that guilt is a normal part of the process, many people experience it. You put your animal to sleep with the best intentions because you love them but afterwards the bargaining happens and you think “but…” “what if…” “What will people think?” “if only I had…” and so on.

We do the best we can at the time; sometimes our situation demands a decision which is hard to live with: financial reasons, moving countries, animals health deteriorating to name a few. Our best includes putting our feelings aside to be responsible for our animals.

According to Dr. Karie Johnson we will struggle to grieve satisfactorily if we get stuck with our guilt. From my understanding we need to acknowledge that what we did was out of love for our animal so that we can reconnect to the loving relationship we had. Once we do this we find it easier to grieve fully. Her article is well worth the read.

As I read this I began to see my actions in a different light and was able to hold myself with compassion. And that is when I wrote this poem. I am feeling sad today, missing little doggie eyes but I am in a good place. Thank you for all your comments on my last post.

Take care

39 thoughts on “Raw Emotional Abrasion.”

  2. I’m so moved by what you wrote. Just beautiful. I still grieve the loss of my three kitties over the period of one year…. Two of them had been with me for 17 years. Guilt is still there, and I continue to work with it. The tears are never far from the surface. The pain is the cost of deep love. I miss them very much. I love them still. The love doesn’t die with them….. ever… And I’m so grateful that we shared time on this earth together. Thank you for your beautiful and very real post.

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  3. Dear Friend, do you know that our pets wait for us in our mansions being made for us in heaven? Kat Kerr Revelator speaks of this truth often, so be comforted, your beloved pet(s) are smiling at you until you will see for yourself. I have 5 of mine waiting patiently.

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  4. This was very interesting to read and it made me think more deeply about it all and helped me understand and appreciate what you you are going through. Blessings, courage and stay strong! xxx

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    • Thank you, Zoe started having seizures a month ago, it’s been a traumatic journey and if we were not leaving the country we might have held on for longer and I think knowing that can make it feel worse. But I have to accept that we must work with the time we have. Thank you for your caring message. Xxx

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  6. That is really sad, but what you did in the given circumstances is the best option available both for you and Zoe. I can visualise the trauma you might have undergone.

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  9. So eloquently expressed! I know of those feelings of which you speak. I too felt sad and sobbed as I held my sweet cat, sister after she was permanently put to sleep. I knew I did what needed to be done for her sake and for mine. She had let me know by reacting differently when I gave her her two insulin injections and even slept less on my bed and in my lap. She was saying goodbye just like she did to her first owner when she came back to visit. She didn’t run to her but pulled back, as if she knew it was painful for her former owner. She was truly very intuitive and wise. My heart goes out to you, dear friend.

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  10. I struggled with that for a long-long time … did we do the right thing? But I also remembered that we always said we will not let them suffer when “that” time comes. And in the end, we could see the pain in their eyes – did it make it easier? No, definitely not … you’re in my prayers Morag.
    Some people say that our four-legged companions are not going to heaven – but I hope to see them one day again … I believe that 🐾💌🐾

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  11. Beautiful poem Morag and I’m so sorry you had to make such a decision! ❤️ I can’t imagine how difficult that would be, but I’m glad your creative poetry helped you sort through your feelings. I hope you soon feel better over time!!

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  14. I love your piece and kindness that comes with this post. We had to euthanize one of our pets two weeks ago today. I keep seeing him. I appreciate the vets comment as well. One thing I told myself two years ago when I had to euthanize our dog was if I was in this shape today wouldn’t I want my living will to be followed. Is that not the reason I paid an attorney plenty of money to write it per my very explicit directions.
    Just lovely thank you for sharing it probably wasn’t easy. Blessings and big hugs 🤗

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