I want to point out that this is not a history lesson or Bible study but it is merely the product of my contemplation of the image of Georgia O’Keeffe’s painting: Landscape with cows (unfortunately I can’t find and image online) and the Scripture: Genesis 16.

The Wild Wilderness

A young woman, fleeing for her life, rested in the wild wilderness. She was wounded, her thirsty lips were parched and her skin burnt. She was a solitary figure, exhausted from all the running. It became apparent, as she fled for her life from her oppressor, that there was nothing more to live for. Her life had been intertwined with her mistress’s and as a slave she had lived solely at the mistress’s bidding. Now that she had been cast out and rejected life felt utterly pointless. “Why carry on?” she wailed. She watched the black clouds race across the blue sky and her burnt body merged with the hot sand. The vultures waited. (Although the vulture symbolizes death and decay it is also associated with transformation, new beginnings, purification and connection with the Divine)

It could be any woman or anyone in the same discriminatory dilemma but the story of this woman took place about 4000 years ago. Her name was Hagar. She was a slave in hiding from those who had banished her; from her mistress to be exact. In this story she was a helpless foreigner but today, it could be a refugee fleeing one of the many wars, the underdog in society, the battered woman or child, the crushed, the weak, the poor or the broken hearted. The part of society that is undesirable.

On a personal level it could be that rejected part in us that is hiding in the wilderness of our heart, the part that we have vanquished. The wilderness represents a place to flee into, a place of hiding; it is also a place of purification and testing because of the extreme hardships experienced there. We expect the ‘reject-able’ to stay in the wilderness, never to return.  It is the part we unconsciously hide because we don’t want to recognize it. It’s the parts of ourselves that bring us shame and so we try to annihilate it by suppressing and vanquishing it. Just like Hagar who was vanquished.  We all suppress the undesirable; it is on an unconscious level.

We might say to this part: “you are not worth being part of me /you are undeserving of been seen/you are an imposter and a lousy one at that, you are pathetic.” These uncomfortable parts of ourselves are like a bell chiming the headlines of how reject-able we think we are. Loud and clear: it’s that part that we don’t want to acknowledge and we hide away, yet when we see this quality in others we are secretly annoyed or jealous of that very same characteristic we reject in ourselves. And so we hide this part, and send it packing, because we don’t want it to bear fruit. “What shame it would bring upon me if it were to bring forth fruit” we think to ourselves.

The wilderness is also a place where we can invoke the invitation to come visit; a calling to love that very part of our lives. When we hide our shadow sides we don’t realize that the reject-able part of ourselves is also to be loved and embraced. Hagar sat in the wilderness not knowing what to do; feeling like her life was over. She was ready to die. She had no-one. Then the Angel of God reached into the recesses of this wilderness and found her. In Hagar’s desperation the Angel shed light on the situation and spoke gently into her life and gave her a promise. “You are pregnant, you will have a son” the angel said, “Go back to your mistress.” Hagar said to God, “you have heard me and you have seen me.”

You have seen me.

And in the same way we must reach back into the recesses of our wildernesses in our hearts and rescue the “unlovable” in ourselves. The call is to lovingly embrace that which we have rejected. When transformed in the wilderness, after hearing the call and after purification we go forth and to bear fruit.

There are parts of me that I mistakenly sent away, thinking “these parts are not worthy to be heard and seen.” As we face those unloved parts can we echo the Angel of Gods words: “I hear you/I see you, you will be fruitful?”

Transformation and purification: It is as we first recognize these unlovable parts that we begin to see what needs us; we find the answer we are searching for. Fruitfulness: it is in embracing the unlovable we learn to love more deeply.

What part of you needs to be seen again today? What hidden part needs compassion?

My inspiration: I am part of a writing group and we were asked to write a story in response to the image (painting) of Georgia O’Keeffe, Landscape with cows. I am grateful to the group for having me this term.

It’s an honor to share with you,
Thank you