How I saw then…

When I was in my twenties I used to separate friendships from all other relationships. At that time I thought of relationships as a bother or an inconvenience; just some functional reality. I was part of a little community and I found it painful that we had to communicate with some unknown character like a waitress, shop assistant or medical practitioner. I used to say that friendships are like a bunch of flowers; each flower has its own unique character with its colour, shape and scent. Friendships in my world were a select few.

How I see you now…

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Relationships are so much more than the select few.

Now I see and appreciate all people, whether they are acquaintances, family or close friendships. I have a new metaphor. Being in relationship with all people is like being part of a big, beautiful garden where there is shaded wooded areas, rivers, and bright sunny glades. There’s place for a profusion of flowers, vegetables, fruit, and berries; there’s undergrowth and overgrowth, trees, bushes, weeds and fungi. Every person is represented here.

This garden is a synergy of organisms with a complete microbiome. Permaculture is in the forefront of the gardeners plans and all butterflies and other insects are welcome. This is how I view my relationships with those around me and those I meet in person, online or anywhere in the world. The trees are like the ‘Elders’ in my life that give shade, structure and wisdom; they are productive and even show me when the seasons are changing.

I love no specific plant more than the others; even weeds, that some think are bad have their place. Some weeds are edible, some medicinal, some grow in poor soils communicating where soil needs aerating, like the creeping buttercup. These “weeds” feed the butterflies and bees which pollinate the flowers. It’s all part of the circle of life. And so are people part of the circle of relationships and community.

We all have a place in this beautiful garden; we all have a purpose: we just have to be what we are, just be that: shade for others, food, beauty, or pioneers making the way for others to thrive. Imagine if the plants and flowers complained about their job – even although they each are important. Maybe we lack the ability to appreciate our worth in society when we race around trying to fill our days with busy-ness. Even the weeds have an importance: they feed the birds and butterflies. Fun fact: Did you know that insects make up about 75% of all animal species?

Gardens are special when the biomes work (when the flora, fauna and fungi work together: there is peace and joy in the garden) for example, the flora’s root systems, whether forest or garden are reciprocal in relationship and create resilient networks of roots with fungi acting as connectors. The environment becomes healthier for this connection.

The garden as a metaphor for my relationships.

In this same way I view my relationships, be it the waitress serving me coffee, the postman delivering parcels and post, the doctor, the therapist, the community leaders, friends and family; the synergy that happens within community is made up of diverse individuals or groups, all collaborating, pooling skills and resources to make an impact that is far greater than any individual can do on their own. Different perspectives and professional expertise create a rich biome. Not only is the impact of beauty, like a garden, but it is a healthy community that works in symbioses. Your presence could transform the isolation experienced by a lonely individual; resulting in joy shared or inspiration. Our social networks are only really environments of progress if they foster kindness, connection, sharing and compassion.

There could come a time, very soon, where more first world countries need to create community gardens where neighbours combine skills for growing fresh crops and  local produce; or where they share skills, resources or tools for cost savings. It is said ‘The whole becomes greater than the parts, allowing communities to tackle complex challenges.’ You could be someone working towards sustainability, food security, or mental health support – or anything you are skilled at and have a passion for. The fragrance of our floral scent is far more powerful when collective, than when we are fragmented, not matter how small you may feel your part is.

Community is not just teamwork where we all get together in groups but there is space for the personalities who appreciate alone time and quiet too. These people, whether you want to call them introverts or not, are also needed for their sensitivity, observation, intuition and ability to see things from a different perspective. They are valuable too in their quiet ways. They in turn should find ways of communicating this richness and not keep it to themselves.

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Who will be the flowering weeds who feed the ‘insects and birds’? Who are those that provide shade for others? Who are You? How does your presence impact your community locally or globally? Your presence has impacted my life and I appreciate your: friendship, company, connection, encouragement, support, service or your shade or wisdom – whatever it is you have shared with me – you are seen through my appreciating eyes.

Thank you.

Wishing you a blessed week
~Morag Noffke~